An unconventional Thanksgiving.

Right around last Wednesday, I was starting to question whether Leon should finish his journey. In fact, I was almost going to tell him to just quit so that we could spend Thanksgiving like a "normal" family (whatever that means). It was right around that time that the Thomsons packed up to leave for their lake house, and suddenly it actually set in that I would be left alone for the first time in this whole homeless journey. 

Sure, I have been without my husband for some weeks now (not that I'm getting used to it in the least), but I have always had Mary there to cheer me up with a joke and a glass of wine. And now they were leaving me to do their family thing (I know, how insensitive of them ;) ...to think of their family first!), and I was going to be left behind. So needless to say, Thanksgiving weekend started off pretty depressing for me. 

Now, keep in mind, Leon is walking a fine line between learning as much as he can, and not wanting to take up too many resources from people who really have nothing else on Thanksgiving, so what started out as a goal to do the "homeless thing" on Thanksgiving, had turned into just trying to see what we could do for Thanksgiving for no cost. So that's just what we did. 

Even though I was sad that I was missing out on a typical Thanksgiving experience, and even though our friends were gone and my mom's whole family (except for the Reyes 3) were all together celebrating, I could not even convince Leon to "cheat" and just come home early, even to spend just 1 night with us, because he is still committed to his goal of 30 days. So, I picked Leon up early Thanksgiving morning, and we went to a free pancake breakfast at an awesome church in Irving, which I attended for over 6 years before we moved to our current church. We ate free breakfast (as pictured below) 

...and played on the playground together as a family. From there, we headed back to Dallas, and then someone was so kind as to bring us 2 plates of leftovers from their own Thanksgiving meal, so we still got our Thanksgiving. 

I realized, as we spent the entire day together as a family, which we really haven't done on that level since before Leon left, that sometimes things do not always work out as we plan, but beauty can be found in even the most unlikely of places. And though we do not get our way sometimes, if we have open hearts and open minds, God can show us things that we never dreamed. 

This Thanksgiving, though it was very unconventional and abnormal for us, reminded us all the more of all the things we are thankful for. And this year, I am most thankful for the beautiful heart of my husband. It is so easy to take our significant others for granted as we move forward together in life. We forget all the wonderful things about them, we forget why we even got together in the first place, and we forget to let them know every minute just how much we love them. It happens in even the best of marriages. But through a simple day, without frills, without cooking turkey, and without extended family around, Leon, Micah and I simply enjoyed each other's company. We played, we laughed, we talked, and most of all, we appreciated each other. And that was more than I could have asked for on Thanksgiving. 

I hope that all of you had as meaningful of a Thanksgiving as we did!

Homeless family in a car.

Throughout this whole homeless experience, for me, Sunday nights have really been the hardest nights of the week to be without Leon. Sundays have always been our hangout nights because we are finished with worship, and neither one of us work on Mondays. We would go out to dinner, to wine bars, go see movies, etc., all on Sundays because we knew we could sleep in the next morning. 

Well, this month, it has been a little challenging to get used to being home without Leon on Sundays. I have invited myself to some friends' houses, I have stayed in and hung out with the Thomsons, but even with all that activity, I still really miss Leon. 

So this Sunday after church, when a whole group of people were planning on going to Dallas to see Leon, I decided to pack some blankets, pillows, warm clothes, and load up Micah, and prepare to spend the night in the car with Leon, as a family. 

Now let me just preface this by saying that I am not a camper, an outdoorsy girl, or in any way shape or form someone who likes to "rough it".....in fact, it is safe to sayto say that I am probably the antithesis of all those things. I am a product of my father, who, when he heard Leon was going to be homeless for November, said, "If Leon is going homeless in November, then I will spend the night in a Super 8 for the whole month to show my support!" And a Super 8 to my dad, would be just like homelessness is to Leon! :) So knowing this fact, and being well-acquainted with my inner princess whom he has come to know and love, Leon was ecstatic when he heard that I was actually going to come down to Dallas to "be homeless" with him. I was a little unsure of the whole experience, but was doing this just to get to spend some time with my husband. Little did I know, I was going to get so much more out of the experience...

We, along with several of our friends, and some new friends we met, spent the afternoon at the deck park, where Leon frequently hangs out. Not only is it a phenomenal new park, but he says that when he is alone on the streets, it can get depressing, so being around families with kids, laughter and happiness, always helps lift his spirits. 

After everyone headed back home, instead of saying goodbye like we usually do, Micah and I hung out a little longer downtown with Leon. It was great to get to spend some one-on-one time in Leon's new "home," hear some of the stories he had to tell and see some of the places he frequents.

When we got tired, we all had a restroom break at a public restroom, found a parking spot to camp out for the night, and made our bed on pillows and blankets (lots of pillows and blankets...100% more in fact than what Leon has when he sleeps in a car......I wanted it to be a somewhat comfortable car bed, since I was in this to see my husband, not trying to learn anything from this experience!), and we went to sleep, together, as a family. 

I didn't really think much of the experience, aside from being proud of myself for not being overly high-maintenance in our overnight stint in the car (and for not having to use the restroom in the middle of the night!!). But that all changed when I awoke the next morning.

As I tossed and turned, starting at about 5am, my shoulder in pain, even from sleeping in the "comfy" car, I thought about all the families out there who really do have to live out of their cars. I even found out from Leon that his family (of 2 parents and 7 children) had to live out of their car for a time, and they didn't even have an SUV like we do!

And the thing that struck me about this whole experience is that these families live and walk among us, and we don't even realize it! It is one thing to be dirty, disheveled, and walk around with everyone who passes by knowing that you are homeless and need food, money, or quite honestly, alcohol. It is a completely different thing to be going to work, your kids going to school, trying to live, eat, shower, shave, and do laundry, just like everybody else, but having to go home to a parking spot each night. And the surprising thing is that the stereotypical, TV image of a homeless person that we have in our minds make up only 10% of all homeless people in America. The rest are hopping from house to house or shelter to shelter until they can get on their feet, or living out of their cars, just as Leon, Micah and I did for a night. Talk about eye-opening! 

Now, I got to go home right after that, take a shower, bathe Micah, do laundry, and have a meal after my one night of homelessness. But even as I type this, there are hundreds of families who live like that day in and day out, night after night, and they somehow have to make due with that reality, while trying to blend in as best they can with the rest of us. And as of Sunday night, I have a new respect for those individuals and families. And surprisingly, as I have learned from some of our friends who have shared their past stories of homelessness with us, many of us have been there for a time in our lives as well. 

So I set out to just get a little time with my husband, and I ended up with an eye-opening homeless experience of my own. Here is the only picture we have of our "car bed" with Micah getting cozy before we tucked ourselves in for the night.....

Stories from the streets: a sheep among wolves.

In Matthew 10:16, it says "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."

That verse has taken on a more personal meaning as Leon goes out into the streets to better understand and better help people of all different backgrounds. As I mentioned in the last post, there are people who are trying to make an example out of Leon and to intimidate him so that they can bully their way through life. Leon, being true to himself, has learned that he doesn't have to bully and intimidate, but that he does have to be on his guard and not shy away from conflict, or else he will be overtaken. 

Leon is a very discerning man--meaning he can read people better than any person I have ever personally known. He reads energy, spirits, demeanor, language, and all sorts of characteristics that people exhibit in everyday life and conversation, and he is able to utilize that to help understand how to best relate to them and communicate with them. Chances are, if you come up to Leon with a motive or an agenda, he can sniff it out immediately, and act accordingly. This trait is very useful in everyday life, especially in ministry, but it is proving to be vital to life on the streets. 

It is a delicate balance that Leon is walking, and it literally is like being a sheep among wolves. Some of the people out here on the streets know who Leon is...the pastor from Southlake who is being homeless for November. Others only see him as another homeless man on the streets of Dallas. Leon has actually shared with some homeless people what he is doing, and why. And others, he maintains his 'homeless persona' and stays concealed as best he can. Who to tell and who to not tell, comes down to his own personal "read" on people...his shrewdness. 

The first week he was out here on the streets, he went to a very well-respected church in Dallas that actually busses homeless people to their services, gives them a shower, shave, new set of clothes, and a whole lot of love! An incredible church, and one I will write more about in a later post. The homeless gather at a downtown location and a bus picks them up, takes them to a special wing of the church, dedicated to their homeless ministry, where they will get to clean up, and have breakfast before going into the service. Now keep in mind, Leon has not told anyone his identity at this point, nor does he want to yet.  Individually, Leon can read people quite well, so he can determine whether they can handle the truth or not. But in large groups it is a pretty sure bet that at least one person will take issue with what he is doing for one reason or another. So therefore, in confined spaces such as a shelter, or bus-load of people, it is best for Leon to keep concealed who he is and what he is doing. 

He has also found that the non-addicts, and mentally-sound homeless (which unfortunately form the minority of all homeless on the streets) are able to hear and accept what he is doing with open hearts and accepting spirits. However, the addicts and the mentally-disabled people on the streets, otherwise known as the "chronic homeless," are not capable of understanding what is going on, and only see him as an impostor. In this one instance in the care of this incredible church, one such "chronic homeless" man spotted Leon immediately, and set out to expose him.

This man, saw Leon for the first time while the two of them were waiting to get showered and ready for church. He began speaking erratically, pacing feverishly back and forth, scratching and clawing at himself, and basically had the demeanor of a demonic spirit.  When he saw Leon, he immediately said, "I know who you are!" Leon looked at him and just looked away, trying not to engage him in conversation because he could see this would not go well. The man continued, and said to Leon, "I know who you are! You're a fake. You're a phony. You aren't real. You are an impostor." 

With it just being the two of them outside the room, Leon just said nothing, and walked inside to get ready for church, but a little freaked out at the thought that someone would say those words that mean-spiritedly, so he knew he needed to be careful. 

After showering and getting ready for service, everyone got back together in one room before heading to service. The man spotted Leon again, and started up his old pattern of behavior...scratching, pacing back and forth, and trying to speak. Leon knew this couldn't be good, when everyone is in one room, and this guy is going to try and expose him and make him out to look like a bad guy. 

Then, the man began to speak in a voice that everyone could hear. He pointed to Leon and said, "I know him....... He is a ffffff....ffffff....ffffaaaaa......" and he literally couldn't finish his sentence. He tried again, and the same thing happened, and again, until everyone who was paying attention to him just shrugged their shoulders and went on about their business. Leon, however, knew there was something else going on here.

In Mark chapter 1, there was an instance where Jesus was going into a new town, preaching and teaching. His time had not yet come to be killed and resurrected, and therefore, he just wanted to go in (as sheep among wolves), teach people a new way of living, and move on to the next town. All of a sudden, a man who was possessed by an evil spirit spotted Jesus and said, "I know who you are. You are the Holy one of God."

That verse immediately came into my mind when Leon told me this story, and interestingly enough, the man in Leon's story used the exact same wording that is written in this verse. There are always evil spirits out there, who, when confronted with love and goodness will look for ways to make a mockery out of that. And in this very simple, yet poignant story that Leon told, (along with a Bible verse given to me by a good friend), I am reminded that "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still," (Exodus 14:14).

So Leon is out there on the streets, trying to stay anonymous, but revealing his identity to a select few who will accept it....must like Jesus did on the streets thousands of years ago. And the Lord is out there, fighting for him too, keeping him safe, just as He is doing for all of us, right now, today. And always. 

Stories from the streets: shelter defense

I thought I would make these next few blog posts about stories I have heard from Leon or others who heard them from Leon, just to give you a glimpse of what he is doing out there on the streets. This first one is a snapshot of life in a homeless shelter...

One of the most amazing things that Leon has found out while living on the streets is that it is very difficult to get things accomplished when you are working within the confines of shelter schedules. In order to secure a place to sleep for the night, you have to check in as early as 3:30 in the afternoon, and you are not allowed to leave until 5am the next morning, or else you lose your spot. I realized that this gets the homeless off the streets, so the city is happy, but if you are trying to get a job, or get a full days worth of work in, you are basically making a decision to sleep out on the streets, which, according to Leon, is worse than anything! 

So anyway, Leon checks into one particular shelter at 3:30pm and basically has to sit until 7pm when they have dinner, and then 10pm when it's lights out. BOR-RING. So he sits. And he remembers some advice a homeless man gave him on Day 1, that people will try to bully you to see if they smell fear, then intimidate the heck out of you, and therefore maintain their "status" on the streets. When you are at a shelter, any weapons are confiscated, and everyone should be unarmed, so dominance is given to the biggest and strongest, or biggest and strongest personality. 

Leon, as many of you may know, is not a shy person. He is not a wimp, and he is not someone that gets pushed around, but he is also a really nice guy. But on the streets, he cannot be a nice guy, because people out there will see it as weakness. So for his very survival, he must be a tough guy...not a guy looking for trouble,  but someone who keeps to himself, but will hold his own when he needs to. 

That is exactly what he had to do one day at a shelter. He had his signature white short-billed hat on, with his hoodie pulled up over it, and sat there, not talking to anyone, just keeping to himself. When it was dinner time, he went and got a plate and sat down at an empty table. Out of nowhere, a somewhat scrawny-ish man with a loud mouth comes up to Leon, and, in a voice that made sure everyone within a 10 foot radius could hear, said "You better move along, you're sitting in my seat."

A hush fills the dining hall. Leon, without adjusting his posture, head position, or hoodie, in a quiet voice says, "I didn't see a name on it, so why don't you just move along." 

Then the man, who is standing next to Leon who is sitting, pushes his chest into Leon's head, and starts making fists with his hands, and waving them as if he's gearing up for a fight. Everyone is watching at this point, and Leon calmly but forcefully, pushes the man backwards with one hand, turns his body, takes down his hoodie, and stands up very slowly, getting right in the man's face and whispers something that no one else in the room can hear, but it is enough to cause the loud-mouthed man to step back and take a breath, a little shocked. 

From the other side of the room, everyone hears someone else's voice yell, "Awww man! You just HAD to do that to the scariest mother_____ in here, didn't you?" And the silence is then broken and laughter breaks out at the loud-mouth's expense. The man then moves to a different spot without saying another word. And then the same man who just yelled from across the room, makes eye contact with Leon and says "We cool though, right?"

Leon smiles, and calmly says, "As long as you don't pull something stupid like this guy just did, we're cool." And he quietly goes back to eating, while simultaneously watching all the timid, or new guys immediately fill up Leon's table to sit with him so they won't be messed with. 

That's a funny story to illustrate just how Leon is having to adapt his personality and demeanor to survive out on the streets. He cannot be his smiley, outgoing self out there, because he does not want to draw attention to himself. But at the same time, he cannot shy away from confrontation because he will get eaten up by those who are surprisingly weaker and smaller than he is. They make empty threats to maintain status and gain dominance. But I assure you, Leon is not afraid to put his money where his mouth is, and if attacked, I have faith that he could defend himself quite well. 

So he has made a name for himself at the shelters. And as a result, the new guys want to be around him for protection, and the loud-mouths are now too scared to confront him. Once I heard that story, I knew that if anyone could safely survive something like this, it would be Leon. His life experience, personality, and calling has prepared him for such a time as this, and he will emerge victoriously...and no doubt with a story or two! 

The halfway point...and a message about our so-called "rules"

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and become convinced of."

-2 Timothy 3:12-14 

Today marks 15 days since we left Leon on the streets of Dallas, and it also marks 15 more days to go! Wow! I can't believe the halfway mark is here, and I feel like the worst is behind us, and it will all be downhill from here. At least I hope!

As the midway marker of Leon's journey, I want to tell you a story. A story of a boy, who knew he was destined for something great. Not great in the way of fame or fortune, but a great calling was placed on his life. He knew that he loved God and wanted to serve God and help others to see just how amazing God is and how much He loves them. And he lived his life with the thought that if God was writing a modern-day Bible, and if he loved and served God and people above himself, then maybe there would be a story in that book about him.

Fasting forward a few years, this boy grows up, goes to Bible School, works in ministry for several years, helps teens in rough lifestyles, as well as college students, and even adults, come to know God for themselves, and he equips them to pray, read their Bible, get through challenging life situations, helps them find faith of their own, and share with others just how amazing God is. And though he grows tired from years of service in a church, where everything he does is under constant scrutiny and criticism, and in a community where his every action and motive gets questioned and attacked, he does not waiver from his original calling, which is to help others love God more, however God may lead him to do that.

This boy, growing tired, goes on a journey. A journey to find hope in the face of adversity. A journey to see what he can learn about another way of life, and a group of people whom few attempt to understand. So he sets out, amid the same adversity he has faced for some time, and he embarks on his mission. 

Along the way, as promised, God shows up. He opens this boy's mind and heart to a new way of thinking (which God has a track-record of doing). He brings understanding of all different people, mindsets, and backgrounds to this boy. He brings people along his path who have amazing stories to tell, and who touch this boy's life, even after one conversation. And as time goes on, God morphs the situation, stretches it, changes it, and broadens the horizons of what this boy thought he originally set out to do. The boy starts getting refreshed, renewed, and continues falling more in love with the God he knew from childhood. 

As you may have guessed, that boy is Leon, and that journey is homelessness.

Though we may never understand the depth of what God is doing in and through Leon right now, and though we could not fathom what God has in store for Leon after he completes it, we have been placed in his life, and heard about this story for a reason. The great news is, God gave this vision to him to accomplish, and not any of us, and I believe that everyone who hears his story is here for a purpose...there is something that God wants to teach us too. Maybe we need to learn how to be more generous with our lives. Maybe we need to take more time to better understand what those around us may be going through. Or be a better friend or spouse or parent. Or to ask God to help us through a challenging situation.

Is Leon's journey any less-legit because he now has a cell phone? 
Has he "cheated" because he broke his own rule and allowed his family to see him?
Is he not living up to a certain man-made standard because people are bringing him coffee or buying him meals (at the request of his wife)?

I would argue that no, his journey is not any less-legit than when it started. And I happen to know that even though the mission has changed and adapted over time, that Leon's heart and passion for understanding people unlike him is still the same. Leon knows what he is doing. He is not out to prove anything to anyone, he is there to learn. And this is how he is choosing to do it. Whether he uses the same method day after day after day on the streets, or whether he changes up his tactics and game plans all the time, this is his journey to accomplish something that he and God are doing together. 

So as we enter the last half of this journey, I would encourage anyone who has something negative to say, to just remember that Leon never claimed he could do "fake homelessness" better than anyone else. If you see something wrong with what he is doing, maybe take that opportunity to do it better than he did. Leon does not presume to think he can solve the world's homeless problem, nor does he try to. He is simply trying to gain understanding and insight into this way of life so he can better help people through it. If you disagree with what Leon is doing or how he is doing it, please, the take this as your chance to do better. Be the change you wish to see in the world. And if you are not willing to do that, believe me when I say, we don't have time for your negativity. The world has enough problems...let's not seek them out by targeting Leon in his journey, when you don't even know him or his heart. 

And now, more importantly, for the vast majority of you out there, who are not negative, and who do not have anything bad to say: thank you. Thank you to those I know and to those I don't know. Thank you for your prayers, your support, your encouragement, and your unrelenting positivity. Aside from God's role in this journey, it is you who have gotten me through these first 15 days, and I predict it will be you who will get me through these next 15. Knowing that we have support and prayers from so many, most of whom we do not know, means more than I can ever, ever express. So thank you for being the change. May God bless all of you exponentially more than you have blessed us.

Our "chosen" family.

We all have family. Some good, some bad, but most families are just plain complicated! Leon's family has been one of those complicated families. I have mentioned it before, but Leon has grown up with childhood abuse, been to foster care on more than one occasion growing up, living with parents who did not necessarily know how, or have the means to take care of a big family. He learned early on that his friends were the only things he had to keep him grounded, because his family was a very high-stress situation. And even with friends, he has had his fair share of heartache and betrayal.

But I think Leon and I can both agree that we are where we are today because of our "chosen" family...that is, those people whom we choose to be around and keep close to us, because they give us strength and help us become better versions of ourselves.

And today, I would like to pay special homage to one person in Leon's life who has been there through thick and thin...faithfully, unrelentingly, supporting Leon in his homeless endeavor, as well as all sorts of struggles, drama, and difficult situations before any of this even happened.....this blog post is for Layne!

Do you ever meet people in life who just seem so nice, that as you get to know them more, you find yourself wondering when their bad side will come out? Well, that's Layne....one of those salt-of-the-earth, would go above and beyond for anyone, genuine friend-kinda guys.

We met Layne about 2 years ago, and immediately hit it off. We found out right away that two of his favorite things are wine and deep conversations, so we knew that we were destined to be friends. Despite the fact that Layne is more than 20 years older than Leon, they have become the best of friends, as a result of late-night outings to Funky's, and evenings that ended at Layne's bachelor pad, drinking wine until 2 and 3am, just so we could finish a conversation.

Layne has shown so much compassion, love, and support for us ever since we first met him. He has stuck his neck out there on multiple occasions, has dealt with gossip, slander, and all kinds of issues (that we all know arise in church!) just to make it clear to everyone that he is in full support of Leon, his heart, and his mission. And now that Leon is out there on the streets of Dallas, Layne has proven himself faithful yet again. He is making himself available to Leon every morning and every evening, if he ever needs someone to talk to. He is faithfully praying for our whole family right now, he comes to check on Micah and me, and has become a rock for our family, and truly one of our very best friends in life.

I say all that, not to embarrass Layne (and I know this blog post will!), but I say all that to say this...we all need those people in our lives who offer us support and comfort and constant encouragement. One of the things that Leon has found from living on the streets is that you cannot create hope on your own. Whatever you are going through, you need someone supporting you and praying for you so you can get through it. You need people to keep you on track, keep you protected, and to have your back. We were not created to live life alone, and I think we can all agree, that friendships...not the shallow ones that don't mean anything, but the real, genuine, deep friendships are what get us through good times and trying times. So be cautious about who you surround yourselves with...are they people who uplift you, or people who bring you down?

So here are 2 mini-challenges for you for this month of thankfulness....1. For those of you who have a "Layne" in your life, tell them you love and appreciate them. Tell them today, and tell them often. We never know how much we will come to rely on those friends, until we go through challenging circumstances in our lives, and will really need their support. Why not let them know what they mean to us.... And, 2. BE a "Layne" to your friends. You never know how you may impact someone's life just by being a faithful, loyal, caring friend to them when they need it. Let's pray for each other, and truly help each other through hard times and good. That is what Jesus modeled for us in the Bible as well, and I can think of no greater example to live by than His.

"My command is this: love one another as I have loved you."
-John 15:12

Leon and Layne, playing poker, right before Leon left for the streets.

Focusing on the family.

It has been a while since my last post, mostly due to the fact that I have been focusing in on what is going on with our family, and trying to protect Micah's feelings and get a little more daddy time. Since last Tuesday, when we caved and went downtown to visit Leon, things have been completely different around here. Micah has gone back to his happy, fun-loving self, and I have been less of a drag to be around too. I think having Leon back on our radar, and being more involved in what he is doing on the streets has really changed our family dynamic for the better.

Since my last post, I sent Micah down to Dallas with Layne on Thursday morning, so he could spend the morning with his dad. Leon has also become a registered "Street Zine" vendor, with a badge number and everything, so he is able to sell Street Zines to make money (so if you are downtown, make sure you purchase one from someone...it's a great program for the homeless to make some money without panhandling!). So Leon and Micah spent the morning on Thursday selling Street Zines, walking the streets of downtown with Micah on Leon's shoulders, and then I met them later that afternoon at the new deck park downtown. Here is the scene I walked up to, when I found them that day (turn your volume down, there is some loud construction going on in the background)...

As you can imagine, it melted my heart, and I knew that Micah was the happiest child in the world, getting to skip preschool and spend the morning with his dad! We stayed at the awesome new park for a while, and let Micah play in the fountains...

And then we even walked over to the Fountain building to show Micah the fountains, which he, of course, loved! When Leon and I first met, we spent our first night together at the fountain building, where he played guitar for me and swept me off my feet. We spent the night talking forever, about life, our goals, our struggles, and that is where we fell in love...yes, the first night we hung out! So now we brought Micah back there, and even got a picture on the exact bench where we sat all night....

All in all, it was a great day. And since then, things have been much better, both for Leon and for us. Because I caved and went to see Leon, I got to participate in the coat and blanket drive that Taylor, a former youth student of Leon's organized. Here are some pictures from that amazing day, where we were able to give coats, hats, gloves, blankets, water and granola bars to many people without homes or winter-appropriate clothing....

And that brings us to today...a little more upbeat, a little more hopeful, and a little more thankful for what we have, and the fact that we have a wonderful family with so much love, and that even in the midst of Leon's mission, he isn't willing to sacrifice the well-being of our family to accomplish what he set out to do.

Yes, he is still committed to the 30 days, and thankfully, Micah and I get to be more of a part of it now.

I caved and had to find Leon!

Our first hug in 6 days, in Klyde Warren Park just a few hours ago when I found him tonight!

So I know one of the challenges of this 30 days of homelessness was for him not to see his family. Not really sure why we threw that one in there, but we did. I guess part of me didn’t want to get in the way of something he has wanted to do for years and years. So we decided that Leon and I would have no contact. We said a very tearful goodbye last Thursday, and went our separate ways. 

Now, only 6 days have gone by, and I cracked. I have had some good and some bad days, but I was having to adjust to living life without Leon. I am sleeping alone, waking up alone, going to work alone, parenting alone, eating meals alone, and doing everything that Leon and I normally did together, alone. It wasn’t fun. I had a hard first few days. And don’t get me wrong, I have tremendous support from family and friends who are keeping me occupied, and Mary, whom I see everyday...but I didn’t have my husband, and Micah didn’t have his daddy.

Micah has had some emotional outbursts lately, been very clingy to me, and has just not really been himself. I have been stressed, exhausted, emotional, and also not myself. And today, I just had to call Leon to talk to him (yes, he’s carrying an in case of emergency cell phone). I cratered. I explained everything that had been going on and how hard this was, and how I couldn’t do it anymore and that he should just come home. 

Now on an aside...I understand that 6 days is not very long, and in fact, many families have one parent or the other who travels a lot, or works a lot, and they are used to the separation. I just have to say that Leon and I are not used to that kind of separation. We are both very involved in all aspects of our family. I go to work with him and help him with all the church things he does, we both take Micah to school and pick him up, we hang out together after work....we are truly best friends and we do everything together. That is our reality, and that is what we are used to. And 6 days is the longest we have been apart since we got married. So it has been tough. 

When Leon heard how hysterical I was on the other line and how much this has really affected our family, he told me something that put everything into perspective.

He first of all assured me that his journey was not done. He was still pushing forward, and although  he had already learned a TON, he still had more to learn and accomplish. As for me, however, my journey of separation is over. He explained to me that because I was talking so unlike myself, and because I had been so upset that life had to go on without him here, I had visited the emotional state of that separation, and now it was time for it to end. He let me know that the only next step, once I got to this low emotional point, was to start adjusting to life without him, start surviving, and start becoming independent. And that was never the goal. 

I was never supposed to get used to life without Leon. I was never supposed to allow Micah to get used to life without his daddy, because that is not our reality. It was good to understand a little about the separation-factor, but that time is up. Now it is my time to not require Leon to give up on what he feels called to do so we can save our family, but now to be a part of it. Instead of trying to stay away because we set up some “rule” for ourselves in the beginning, I could now jump right in like everyone else is doing, and support him more directly. We make the rules anyway, so who was I trying to please? This is the love of my life I’m talking about...what criticism (that I’m sure I WILL get from some haters out there!) is worth staying away from the person I love the most in this world, just because we set up a challenge for ourselves at the beginning? That would be crazy.

So all that to say, after hearing that and gaining some perspective on the whole situation, I grabbed Micah as fast as I could, sped downtown in the middle of rush hour, grabbed some dinner, and Micah and I had a picnic in the park with Leon. It was incredible to see him, and sad to leave, but not as sad because I know I will see him more often now. And that gave me a ton of comfort today. 

Here are just a few pictures to share from our visit in the park tonight: 

Maybe this isn't just about Leon's experience.

Leon's guitar, which was left on stage in its normal place 

as we led worship without him this morning.

This whole experience has been overwhelming on so many different levels. The sheer number of people who are coming together in support of Leon..the perfect strangers, and friends whom I haven’t seen or talked to in years who are praying for him...the controversy and negativity that we are getting as a result of this being a somewhat public journey. And of course the focus on Leon’s safety, survival, and sanity, which has taken over my every thought. 

One thing I seemed to have forgotten in all this is that I might actually have a journey to walk too. This isn’t just about me praying and focusing on my husband throughout these next few weeks. But I realized this morning, as I got ready to lead worship at our church for the first week without Leon, that maybe God has some things for me, specifically, to learn along the way as well. 

As I sat in Leon’s office by myself this morning, freaking out because I have never led worship at this church without him, I started to pray. It sounded a little something like this:

“God....please help me! I am freakin’ scared to death of what I am about to do, and God, if you can somehow sneak me out the back door of the church before worship starts, that would be fantastic. Thanks God!”

Well, as many of you guessed, God didn’t sneak me out the back door of the church. But instead, he sent me a message...in the form of a text from a former student in our youth group who is now at Texas A&M. She knew what I was doing this morning, and happened to read in her devotional for today’s date, something that she just had to share with me....

Daaaaaang! 

I could not think of a more apropos message, and I knew instantly that God had something to show me. At that moment, I realized that in addition to praying for what God will accomplish in Leon this month, I need to also be open to hearing what God may be speaking to me this month, and how He might be challenging me to grow and mature as well. 

Leon and I are kinda-sorta on the same journey in a way, but we will have 2 very different pieces to the puzzle of the bigger picture that God has for us. And, I realized today that I should focus my heart and mind on what God is doing in me this month. What a great message for us all, right?!

So I went in there, still shaking and nervous, led worship and the band sounded fantastic. I didn’t have to do anything but sing, and escaped reality for just a few minutes as I sang the words of the songs to God, and He came alive for me. Our band was there to back me up and everyone was so encouraging that I don’t even know why I was so nervous in the first place. Our worship band even wore their Leon tee shirts in support of him (pictured below), and I know he was there in spirit, giving me his signature pep talk, “you’ve got this, baby!” It’s amazing how a few little words from God can change everything. Maybe I should take more time, more often, and read a few more of His words. Maybe it could just change everything!

Surviving day 1 and issuing a challenge to everyone...

Leon fell asleep reading outside a downtown building, because he had a very sleepless night.

It hasn’t been easy. Saying goodbye to Leon yesterday was excruciating, but going to bed alone was even more so. After a couple glasses of wine and a brownie (my ultimate comfort food and drink), I went to bed. I thought I would be up all night, but I think my two previous nights of sleeplessness set in, and I crashed and slept all night.

This morning, after speaking with Layne-our friend, and my only constant link to Leon-I learned that Leon didn’t have as much rest as I did last night. He didn’t know where to sleep, how safe the shelters are, and what his best course of action was, so he wandered the streets all night. He hung out at the fountain building, he walked the streets, he talked to a few people who were also out last night, and basically got no sleep.

Am I surprised? No. But I am hurting for him nonetheless. I knew this was going to be a difficult experience, but I had no idea just how hard it would be for me, watching my husband go through it!

It’s so cool that so many people are rallying to support Leon in his journey as a result of the FB group and some of the news stories. In fact, we didn’t even get to celebrate making it to 300 and 400 likes on Facebook because it has all been going by so quickly. But just like everything else out in public, there is always negativity and criticism. I have been consumed with some of the negative comments and issues that have been coming as a result of this journey being in the spotlight a little, and it has kept me from what I should be doing-focusing on my husband and praying for him. 

It’s amazing how easily we can be distracted from our current realities by negativity...and it becomes a consuming fog around us that keep us from being effective in our lives. The truth is, Leon is doing something incredible because he has a beautiful heart to understand people from all different backgrounds and walks of life. The other reality is that he is on the streets day and night, and I should be praying for him and focusing on my family and how we are functioning...instead, I’ve been focusing on all the wrong things, and it is making me ineffective in this journey that Leon has fought so hard for. 

With one small bible verse, posted by my cousin Logan today, I am comforted, and reminded of the heart of my husband yet again. In the book of James, chapter 2, James talks about our faith in God, and how our works (what we do) show that faith to the world. He says that faith apart from works means nothing, and then he says “I will show you my faith by what I do.” I, knowing Leon’s heart and caring for it deeply, know that this act of selflessness on the part of Leon, is doing exactly what James did hundreds of years ago, and before him, this is what Jesus did. He walked with people, chatted with them, and helped them see God just a little more clearly than they currently saw God, and created a movement of faith that still continues today. 

If Leon’s journey is inspiring people, then that’s great...but that is not his motive. He only wants to experience something as drastic as this so he can better understand and speak to people, and I think we can all learn a little bit from him...especially me! 

So...now to issue a challenge to all of us.....

Leon’s faith journey has inspired many people already, and it has only just begun! We have heard stories of people who’s children are inspired to collect coats for the homeless. We have heard from people who are giving up things for November in support and reminder of what Leon is doing. We have had people say that Leon’s journey has inspired them to help out at a homeless shelter in November, or give Thanksgiving meals to needy families, or donate money to a charity or individual. It has been amazing to see how Leon’s simple act of faith is inspiring others to do something in their own lives as well.

So this is my challenge to you....for the month of November, what can you do to be more generous and selfless to those around you? The sky is the limit, and any act of kindness that you do can make miracles happen! If you would like to accept the challenge, we want to hear from you! Post on our Facebook Page and tell us what your personal challenge will be, and let’s all encourage each other to live more generously this month and even longer. Can’t wait to hear your challenges, and I will try to come up with something of my own...you know, besides giving up my husband for the month! :)

It's official...he's on the streets.

Taking a moment, at Leon's farewell breakfast at Cafe Brazil, Deep Ellum.

As of 2:30pm today, Leon is officially released onto the streets of downtown Dallas. How do I feel, considering it’s now 7:21pm and dark? It’s hard to put a finger on how I feel, but I would have to say 20% numb, 5% excited to see how it goes, 75% freaking out!

This is the most complex set of emotions I have ever felt, and I’m not too sure how to deal with it. After a lunch with the Thomsons, Layne (who will be meeting with Leon every day and debriefing him, as well as tweeting his run-ins with Leon throughout this month....follow @CPALayne on Twitter), and Chris Hatchett, our good friend and fabulous photographer, we sent Leon out on his way into the streets of downtown. 

I, of course, cried...because it is not only scary for me to walk away from the love of my life on the streets of Dallas, but also because it brought me back to a time when we were dating, and lived far apart. He would come visit me in Dallas, but then head back to Lubbock for a couple weeks, and it seemed like death every time he left. That’s what it felt like today. But then, in the car on the way back home, I numbed out. 

It wasn’t until a few minutes ago that my numb stage wore off, and now it is just plain panic. I knew this was coming, but I thought he would have a plan that I could look over and approve before leaving me. But that was not the case. In pure Leon form, he went out there blind...no preparation, no supplies, and no plan. I, a, shall we say, Type A personality, am not ok with no plan. And therefore I find myself in my current state....freaking out (which in the time it has taken me to make brownies, pour more wine, clean the kitchen, put a 2 year old to bed, and continue with this blog, has moved up to more like 95% freaking out). 

My biggest fear is my husband’s safety and that he will be able to find a place to sleep tonight-and actually sleep tonight....so for those of you who pray, that’s what you need to pray for!

But as I type this, I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, which says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” A very familiar verse to me, and maybe to many of you. But I needed to be reminded of that tonight. When I am freaking out because I do not have a plan, and I don’t know Leon’s plan, I have to remind myself that God has a plan. And that He will make a way out of the chaos of this situation that is better than any plan I could come up with, even on my best Type A planning days. 

But that’s not all...the scripture then goes on to say, “Then you will come to me and pray to me and I will listen to you.” So not only does God have a plan, but if I will just trust that plan, and keep moving forward in faith, I will be led to prayer, and God will listen. 

So whatever any of you might be going through tonight-and I know that everyone reading this is dealing with their own giants in their lives, just like I am-I hope that verse comforts you like it did me. It was just what I needed, right when I needed it, and my prayer is that everyone will be able to trust that whatever your faith or background, God knows the plans He has for you, and He will be faithful to listen when you call on him. 

Goodnight everybody...day 1 is over, and the countdown is on!

I'm ok if he's ok...is he ok?

The whole time during this preparation for Leon’s next 30 days, I have been somewhat ok. I haven’t freaked out too much, I haven’t second-guessed God’s plan, I haven’t been sad....until now! 

Last night, I think it hit Leon like a ton of bricks. Yes, he still feels like this is the right thing to do, but as of last night, I think the reality of it all set in...and it wasn’t pretty. He was quiet, reserved, and not very responsive to conversation and interaction, which, if you know Leon, you know what a huge difference that is from the norm. 

Seeing Leon like that sent me into a tailspin of emotion! As we spent our last night together, with the Thomsons, and our friends who dropped in to see us last night, Leon could think of nothing other than the logistics of what he would be doing today, and the rest of November. 

He had spoken with his dad (who has been homeless) the night before, who basically told him everything he didn’t need to hear...how the streets would eat him up....how the people on the streets would target him because he is the new guy on the streets, and how everything he has with him will be take from him the very first day. Yes, it is good to hear so that he will be prepared....but not 2 days before he leaves. At this point, he just needed encouragement, and instead, he got a huge dose of reality. So hopefully all those haters out there, who talk about how safe the streets of downtown Dallas are, will just shut their mouths because that is just ignorant. 

So armed with all that new information, Leon was visibly shaken, though still committed to what he set out to do. Mary and I made sure that he knew that no one would think less of him if he had to come home early, and that just his willingness and heart to understand people and take on this daunting task is enough. All I care about is my husband coming back home safely, whether it is in 1 day, or 30, and I hope all of you who are following this story will agree with that.

I realized last night that I am ok because Leon has been ok. And when he started being not ok, I was not ok. I freaked out. I second-guessed. And for the first time, I wanted him to call it quits on the whole thing. He is the strength of our family, and when he is scared, we all seem to fall apart. 

But he has not. He is still on course, and this morning, because of the prayers of so many who have responded to my late-night cry for prayers and encouragement last night on Facebook, he is doing better...we all are doing better. 

We are headed in a few minutes to Cafe Brazil in Deep Ellum for a lunch with some friends, and a final goodbye to Leon as he walks away. Prayers are still needed, and the 30 day journey begins in a few short minutes....and then the real prayers and encouragement will be needed!