Leon's guitar, which was left on stage in its normal place
as we led worship without him this morning.
This whole experience has been overwhelming on so many different levels. The sheer number of people who are coming together in support of Leon..the perfect strangers, and friends whom I haven’t seen or talked to in years who are praying for him...the controversy and negativity that we are getting as a result of this being a somewhat public journey. And of course the focus on Leon’s safety, survival, and sanity, which has taken over my every thought.
One thing I seemed to have forgotten in all this is that I might actually have a journey to walk too. This isn’t just about me praying and focusing on my husband throughout these next few weeks. But I realized this morning, as I got ready to lead worship at our church for the first week without Leon, that maybe God has some things for me, specifically, to learn along the way as well.
As I sat in Leon’s office by myself this morning, freaking out because I have never led worship at this church without him, I started to pray. It sounded a little something like this:
“God....please help me! I am freakin’ scared to death of what I am about to do, and God, if you can somehow sneak me out the back door of the church before worship starts, that would be fantastic. Thanks God!”
Well, as many of you guessed, God didn’t sneak me out the back door of the church. But instead, he sent me a message...in the form of a text from a former student in our youth group who is now at Texas A&M. She knew what I was doing this morning, and happened to read in her devotional for today’s date, something that she just had to share with me....
Daaaaaang!
I could not think of a more apropos message, and I knew instantly that God had something to show me. At that moment, I realized that in addition to praying for what God will accomplish in Leon this month, I need to also be open to hearing what God may be speaking to me this month, and how He might be challenging me to grow and mature as well.
Leon and I are kinda-sorta on the same journey in a way, but we will have 2 very different pieces to the puzzle of the bigger picture that God has for us. And, I realized today that I should focus my heart and mind on what God is doing in me this month. What a great message for us all, right?!
So I went in there, still shaking and nervous, led worship and the band sounded fantastic. I didn’t have to do anything but sing, and escaped reality for just a few minutes as I sang the words of the songs to God, and He came alive for me. Our band was there to back me up and everyone was so encouraging that I don’t even know why I was so nervous in the first place. Our worship band even wore their Leon tee shirts in support of him (pictured below), and I know he was there in spirit, giving me his signature pep talk, “you’ve got this, baby!” It’s amazing how a few little words from God can change everything. Maybe I should take more time, more often, and read a few more of His words. Maybe it could just change everything!
