The whole time during this preparation for Leon’s next 30 days, I have been somewhat ok. I haven’t freaked out too much, I haven’t second-guessed God’s plan, I haven’t been sad....until now!
Last night, I think it hit Leon like a ton of bricks. Yes, he still feels like this is the right thing to do, but as of last night, I think the reality of it all set in...and it wasn’t pretty. He was quiet, reserved, and not very responsive to conversation and interaction, which, if you know Leon, you know what a huge difference that is from the norm.
Seeing Leon like that sent me into a tailspin of emotion! As we spent our last night together, with the Thomsons, and our friends who dropped in to see us last night, Leon could think of nothing other than the logistics of what he would be doing today, and the rest of November.
He had spoken with his dad (who has been homeless) the night before, who basically told him everything he didn’t need to hear...how the streets would eat him up....how the people on the streets would target him because he is the new guy on the streets, and how everything he has with him will be take from him the very first day. Yes, it is good to hear so that he will be prepared....but not 2 days before he leaves. At this point, he just needed encouragement, and instead, he got a huge dose of reality. So hopefully all those haters out there, who talk about how safe the streets of downtown Dallas are, will just shut their mouths because that is just ignorant.
So armed with all that new information, Leon was visibly shaken, though still committed to what he set out to do. Mary and I made sure that he knew that no one would think less of him if he had to come home early, and that just his willingness and heart to understand people and take on this daunting task is enough. All I care about is my husband coming back home safely, whether it is in 1 day, or 30, and I hope all of you who are following this story will agree with that.
I realized last night that I am ok because Leon has been ok. And when he started being not ok, I was not ok. I freaked out. I second-guessed. And for the first time, I wanted him to call it quits on the whole thing. He is the strength of our family, and when he is scared, we all seem to fall apart.
But he has not. He is still on course, and this morning, because of the prayers of so many who have responded to my late-night cry for prayers and encouragement last night on Facebook, he is doing better...we all are doing better.
We are headed in a few minutes to Cafe Brazil in Deep Ellum for a lunch with some friends, and a final goodbye to Leon as he walks away. Prayers are still needed, and the 30 day journey begins in a few short minutes....and then the real prayers and encouragement will be needed!
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