The halfway point...and a message about our so-called "rules"

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and become convinced of."

-2 Timothy 3:12-14 

Today marks 15 days since we left Leon on the streets of Dallas, and it also marks 15 more days to go! Wow! I can't believe the halfway mark is here, and I feel like the worst is behind us, and it will all be downhill from here. At least I hope!

As the midway marker of Leon's journey, I want to tell you a story. A story of a boy, who knew he was destined for something great. Not great in the way of fame or fortune, but a great calling was placed on his life. He knew that he loved God and wanted to serve God and help others to see just how amazing God is and how much He loves them. And he lived his life with the thought that if God was writing a modern-day Bible, and if he loved and served God and people above himself, then maybe there would be a story in that book about him.

Fasting forward a few years, this boy grows up, goes to Bible School, works in ministry for several years, helps teens in rough lifestyles, as well as college students, and even adults, come to know God for themselves, and he equips them to pray, read their Bible, get through challenging life situations, helps them find faith of their own, and share with others just how amazing God is. And though he grows tired from years of service in a church, where everything he does is under constant scrutiny and criticism, and in a community where his every action and motive gets questioned and attacked, he does not waiver from his original calling, which is to help others love God more, however God may lead him to do that.

This boy, growing tired, goes on a journey. A journey to find hope in the face of adversity. A journey to see what he can learn about another way of life, and a group of people whom few attempt to understand. So he sets out, amid the same adversity he has faced for some time, and he embarks on his mission. 

Along the way, as promised, God shows up. He opens this boy's mind and heart to a new way of thinking (which God has a track-record of doing). He brings understanding of all different people, mindsets, and backgrounds to this boy. He brings people along his path who have amazing stories to tell, and who touch this boy's life, even after one conversation. And as time goes on, God morphs the situation, stretches it, changes it, and broadens the horizons of what this boy thought he originally set out to do. The boy starts getting refreshed, renewed, and continues falling more in love with the God he knew from childhood. 

As you may have guessed, that boy is Leon, and that journey is homelessness.

Though we may never understand the depth of what God is doing in and through Leon right now, and though we could not fathom what God has in store for Leon after he completes it, we have been placed in his life, and heard about this story for a reason. The great news is, God gave this vision to him to accomplish, and not any of us, and I believe that everyone who hears his story is here for a purpose...there is something that God wants to teach us too. Maybe we need to learn how to be more generous with our lives. Maybe we need to take more time to better understand what those around us may be going through. Or be a better friend or spouse or parent. Or to ask God to help us through a challenging situation.

Is Leon's journey any less-legit because he now has a cell phone? 
Has he "cheated" because he broke his own rule and allowed his family to see him?
Is he not living up to a certain man-made standard because people are bringing him coffee or buying him meals (at the request of his wife)?

I would argue that no, his journey is not any less-legit than when it started. And I happen to know that even though the mission has changed and adapted over time, that Leon's heart and passion for understanding people unlike him is still the same. Leon knows what he is doing. He is not out to prove anything to anyone, he is there to learn. And this is how he is choosing to do it. Whether he uses the same method day after day after day on the streets, or whether he changes up his tactics and game plans all the time, this is his journey to accomplish something that he and God are doing together. 

So as we enter the last half of this journey, I would encourage anyone who has something negative to say, to just remember that Leon never claimed he could do "fake homelessness" better than anyone else. If you see something wrong with what he is doing, maybe take that opportunity to do it better than he did. Leon does not presume to think he can solve the world's homeless problem, nor does he try to. He is simply trying to gain understanding and insight into this way of life so he can better help people through it. If you disagree with what Leon is doing or how he is doing it, please, the take this as your chance to do better. Be the change you wish to see in the world. And if you are not willing to do that, believe me when I say, we don't have time for your negativity. The world has enough problems...let's not seek them out by targeting Leon in his journey, when you don't even know him or his heart. 

And now, more importantly, for the vast majority of you out there, who are not negative, and who do not have anything bad to say: thank you. Thank you to those I know and to those I don't know. Thank you for your prayers, your support, your encouragement, and your unrelenting positivity. Aside from God's role in this journey, it is you who have gotten me through these first 15 days, and I predict it will be you who will get me through these next 15. Knowing that we have support and prayers from so many, most of whom we do not know, means more than I can ever, ever express. So thank you for being the change. May God bless all of you exponentially more than you have blessed us.

A lesson from church, of all places!

I think it all hit me today.

Yes, we have been preparing for November for a couple months now. And yes, I have been aware that Leon has wanted to do this for the past 4 years. And yes, we have been getting an outpouring of support from our friends, family, and even people we don’t know. But am I ready? Not so much!

In church this morning, I did my last worship set with Leon next to me. In the month of November, I go it alone. And though I have led worship for years, and am doing all songs I know like the back of my hand, I realized that not having him beside me is going to be one of the hardest things I will have to do while he’s gone. I realized that as I sang Revelation Song in front of our entire second service, and almost lost it. 

I did, somehow, maintain my composure during worship, but then our pastor started speaking about prayer. About the kind of prayer that really means something. And the kind of people who pray and it’s like they are actually speaking directly to God. He said that it can feel at times like some people have a “pipeline to God,” and they have God’s direct cell phone number, while some of us feel like we have to go through a phone tree and wait on hold for an eternity. As I listened to his message, I couldn’t help but think of my husband. He is one of those people who have a direct pipeline so-to-speak. He prays, and God truly speaks to him. 

I don’t know how he does it, and I don’t know how to get what he has (well, I guess praying more would be a start!). But to watch the true faith that Leon has, and the way he lives that faith out, is one of the most inspiring things I have ever encountered. God gives Leon premonitions. God helps Leon discern people’s character with a supernatural accuracy. God speaks, directs, changes decisions, and gives him an ability to see things clearly, where other people just see fog. And when Leon prays, things happen. When he speaks to God, clarity results, and lives are changed. 

So as I listened to the message, and I heard basically a profile of my husband’s faith, I lost it. I teared up and had to get a hold of myself, because the reality is, I don’t have that faith. I wish I did. I try to have faith. But I have no doubt that Leon hears from God. And on something like what he is about to do, I may not see it clearly, and I may not understand it, and I may never do something like this myself, but I know Leon hears the voice of God, and I know God will do something incredible. I am just going to have to trust. And pray. 

In the Bible, God tells Jacob to go back to his homeland and He will bless him. And then Jacob wrestles with God and God gives him a blessing. Leon has said that this homeless journey is just that for him. God has taken a child, who grew up in a chaotic and toxic household growing up, a household where there was no mention of God’s role in their lives, and gave this child an ability to pray. Real prayers. Prayers for his safety and survival. Prayers for his brothers and sister’s survival. Prayers for his mother’s safety. And God blessed that child years later with a family, a job, and a home in the comfortable suburbs. And now, that child is getting comfortable. Complacent. Ready to experience some true faith again. And that is exactly what Leon is doing. He is returning to his homeland. He is returning to the uncertainty that first brought him to God, and he is ready to see, yet again, what he’s made of. 

Do I think this is stupid? Absolutely! Do I fear for Leon’s safety? Most definitely! Do I trust God will do something incredible in Leon, and in me? Without question!

The verdict...mixed, but worthy of champagne.

Going into a meeting where the fate of your family’s future is at stake is not an easy task. I, a part-time employed mother and wife, am not in a position to support my family right now, and the reality is, Leon’s job was on the line by deciding to follow his heart and become homeless. 

There are only a few people who have been with us from the beginning of this homeless concept, and who have been supporting and praying for our every move. And going, with dignity, into a meeting that was both nerve-racking, and yet somehow peaceful, was only made possible by God, and those in our lives who were either physically in the meeting to support us, or praying for us at the very time the meeting with our church’s session (the group of elders who make decisions on behalf of the church) was going on. 

The issues at hand: 1. Would Leon keep his job or lose it; 2. Would he be paid for his time away; 3. Would they let Leon keep his health benefits while he was gone, among other discussion points. 

So this afternoon, I got in the car with my good friend Mary, to head to our church’s session meeting today, leaving our kids with a babysitter, and in our short 2 mile drive to the church...in Southlake, Texas...we passed a family standing on the street-corner of White’s Chapel and Southlake Blvd...bundled up in the cold, with two babies, and a sign on cardboard (“Lost my job...something, something...need help”). 

Now, if you do not know anything about Southlake, Texas, I will tell you, this is not the sort of place that we see that particular sight everyday. In fact, Southlake is one of the wealthiest and most sought-after cities to live in America, and is therefore pretty much removed from homelessness and poverty. And yet, here we are, driving to church for this meeting. And we see this family. And we are immediately moved. 

To drive on past this family and do nothing for fear of being late to the meeting would be just the same as Leon feeling called to become homeless and not doing it for fear of what the church would say. And in that moment, Mary and I received more confirmation that God had a plan for Leon, and that He would be there in the meeting.

So we coasted into the meeting, one minute late, and began what felt like an eternity of questioning. Our session asked Leon an array of questions, but in the end, God was there, peace came through, and decisions were reached. I do not know the details of the vote, the pros and cons that were brought up, or the people who were for or against, but in the end, the session voted that Leon will have his job when he finishes this month of homelessness. 

Despite the challenges, questions, and confrontations, it seems as though we will not be job hunting on December 1! So thank you to everyone who prayed, supported, and stood with us during this strange time of uncertainty...now we can focus our minds and efforts on more important things. Like preparing for the month November, and all it may hold!

The task at hand...approval.

Today is a very important day in the Have You Seen Leon preparatory process. Today is the day that the elders of our church meet to discuss the logistics of the whole process, and what it means for the church where Leon works. Who will take over Leon’s various hats that he wears at the church (I, Lauren, am the proposition to fill in for youth and worship for November)? Will he get paid, or will this be unpaid? Will he still have insurance during this time? All important logistical questions that must be answered before we embark on this journey. 

There is a lot that could happen, and a lot of decisions need to be made, but this is the meeting that tells all, and we will update as we have more information. And we would also like to take this time to thank everyone again for all their support, prayers, and encouragement....you are what gives us the fuel to keep moving forward. We are going to do our best to stay as transparent as possible so that you will all be updated on our lives as we journey through this scary and uncertain time. 

So much more than homelessness.

So a common question I am getting is “why is Leon really doing this?” Many people think it is just to raise awareness about homelessness in America, or just to try and understand what it is like to be homeless. While those are two very great things, Leon assures me that this homeless challenge is not simplified down to just that.

Leon has stated over and over again that this challenge to be homeless for 30 days during the month of November, is about so much more than homelessness. I struggle to grasp that as much as the rest of the world, but I think I am starting to see the true heart behind Leon’s call to be homeless. 

After hearing Leon’s heart repeatedly as he shares his vision with the various audiences he presents to, I am reminded that this challenge is more about meeting people where they are. Whether someone is homeless, facing a divorce, dealing with the death of a loved one, suffering from a life-threatening illness, moving across the country, feeling suicidal, or much more...anyone who is facing a seemingly-impossible journey, needs someone to tell them where hope comes from. Someone to help them see the light in the midst of total darkness. Someone who can tell them they aren’t alone. Someone to say “I’ve been in your shoes.”

That is what this challenge is about...not just ministering to the homeless, though that is very valuable. But it transcends far beyond that, and reflects deeply the heart of Leon. He strives to understand people, and this is only a means to understanding people on all different physical, emotional, and spiritual levels, and it only shows how he lives life. 

So instead of thinking of him as a homeless advocate, this is a challenge to think of Leon as just a person, who strives to understand you...yes, you...right where you are. And whatever you might be struggling with, chances are, Leon has been through something similar, and knows the feelings deep within that motivate you to be angry, hurt, frustrated, upset, or depressed...and knows how to find that small amount of hope within yourself to move forward, and to come out triumphantly.  

This crazy, insane homeless challenge thing.

For as long as I have known Leon, he has wanted to spend a month living as if he were homeless, on the streets of downtown Dallas. Why, one might ask...because he has a hear to help all kinds of different people on all kinds of levels of struggle they may be facing. Leon has lived an interesting life, one which I will share a little about in a future entry, and that life of struggle has given him an ability to quickly understand anything someone might be struggling with, and then help them get through their struggle triumphantly. Sure, he has lived in a shelter periodically, as a child in a struggling family. And sure, he is well-versed in living at a very low income level all through his adolescent life. But he has never actually been homeless, and therefore has much to learn from this challenge he has set before himself.

Many people have “gone homeless” for a day, a week, maybe longer, but very few have tried it for an entire month. Leon has chosen a month because that will hopefully be enough time for him to learn the ropes, fight the insanity that tends to set in after a few days living on the street, and it will also allow him enough time to learn how to ask for money, get an ID if you have no identification, get a job, secure a residence, keep yourself clean, save money, and much more. In that time, there will be plenty of people Leon will probably meet along the way, who are in need of direction and vision for their lives. Hopefully, along the way, Leon will be able to help them take a step forward. During this journey, there will also be a number of struggles that Leon will face, and he will have to use his resourcefulness to get past them and find solutions, and hopefully he will find a way to move past the struggles. And I am sure there will be so much more to this journey than we can even imagine at this point, that it will be exciting, and for me, scary, to keep up with his month of homelessness. 

So at the core of this, we have a man, whom I admire, revere, and love, who is giving up his family, his friends, his job, his house, his security, for 30 days so that he can better serve and understand all kinds of people. It is a mission project for him...a way to live a life of service, and a way to live a more selfless life. I think we can all learn a little something from Leon...not to be homeless or do something dramatic like this, but on how we can make our life more about what we can give than what we can get out of it. I look forward to sharing my continued thoughts as we walk through this journey together, and as we move into the final stages of preparation!

A Balancing Act

Why is it always so hard to manage our time? Whether it is school, work, family, friends, or all of the above, there are always challenges when it comes to finding balance. For me, it has been a struggle for a while, but throwing a child in the mix just makes it that much harder to achieve the highly sought-after luxury of balance!

I would love to be one of those mothers who doesn't have to work, and who has a maid, a nanny, and a personal assistant. That would definitely help achieve balance in my life. But the fact is, everything that needs to be done needs to be done by me, and there really is not a thing in my life that can suffer right now. I have to take care of Micah, that's a given. I have to get my work done so we can buy food. I now need to worry about working off this baby weight, and eat right, so skipping a workout or ordering a pizza when I don't feel like cooking really isn't an option anymore. I need to make sure the house stays clean for my own sanity. I need to still be a wife to Leon, and I definitely need to spend some time with God at some point during my day. Why does this all seem so overwhelming and impossible to achieve?

I don't have the answer. I wish I did. But I do know that in the Bible it says "Write the vision and make it plain..." (Habakkuk 2:2). So I have started writing down the plan for my day. I list what I need to accomplish, and when. It is helping, though everything still seems overwhelming. But I am sure that with enough practice, we can all achieve the balance we are looking for in our lives. At least I hope so.

Any advice on how balance has been achieved in your life when things seem overwhelming? Are there any super-mom pills out there? Just kidding.

Change in perspective

It's amazing how much a baby changes things! Before Micah came into our lives, Leon and I were looking at change as a bad thing. We loved our life, we loved each other, and we didn't want a baby ruining any of that. 


But now that the little man has come, and we have learned that loving him while still loving each other is easier than we thought, we have come to embrace a little bit of change, both in our relationship and in our personal lives. One of the biggest changes that Micah has brought to my life is my perspective on God.

Leon and I have been through a lot of ups and downs during our first year of marriage, and a lot of the downs had to do with negative experiences in church, and with pastors in our lives. I will spare everyone the details of these negative experiences, but suffice it to say that our experiences left us a little sour on church and church leaders. Ok, "a little sour" is an understatement....we were hurt, and we were pissed, even to the point where we didn't want anything to do with church people. (Sorry, but I made a commitment to be honest, no matter how terrible my thoughts were).

Getting over those feelings toward church has proven to be a trick for us. We just want to see more people who are authentically living life for Jesus, instead of people who just talk a good talk from principles they learned in Seminary, and they are not living a life like Christ modeled for us at all. 

I had thought until now that I was just frustrated with the church. But as I dig deeper into those feelings, I am starting to realize that I wasn't just upset with the church, but with God too. I felt like we had been abandoned by Him, that He was missing, and that He shouldn't have allowed certain things to happen to us when we were trying to serve Him with our whole hearts. 

I let those feelings go on a lot longer than I should have, and it is just now, when I look at my baby boy, and I cannot help but see the beauty and glory of God's everyday miracles in His sweet little face, and small little fingers and toes, that I am starting to see God for who He truly is again. When Micah's eyes start focusing on us more and more each day. When he smiles, even though he doesn't know what he is doing yet. When he stops crying when he hears my voice or Leon's voice....All these sweet little precious moments in time that I will treasure forever would never have been possible if God hadn't randomly decided to bless us with this incredible baby boy. He was formed out of 2 cells, and grew to this amazing, perfectly healthy boy that we now get to hold and cuddle. God was not absent in our lives, instead, He was preparing the way for us to be able to love and provide for this amazing baby boy who deserves the whole world, and He was making us into the kinds of parents He knew we needed to be for Micah.


I would like to say I am completely over my recent lapse in judgment when it comes to God, but I am not out of the woodwork just yet. But with every passing day, and every little glance from my almost 1 month old, my heart melts more and more, and God shows Himself to me over and over again in the eyes of His precious creation Micah. And I am starting to fall in love with my Father again because of my baby boy! What an awesome God we have who will not give up on us but who will bless us and bless us and relentlessly pursue us until we simply cannot resist His ultimate love!

Sleeping Micah

Of course I think my son is adorable...I mean, I am his mother, and by that definition alone, I am bound to think he's amazing; but besides that fact, the truth is that he truly is completely adorable! :) I have been taking pictures ad nauseam since we got home from the hospital, and since he is less than a month old and all he really does is sleep at this point, the majority of those pictures happen to be of him sleeping. I can't help it, I just think he is so cute when he sleeps!

There is nothing more peaceful than when I watch my baby boy sleep. Sometimes he smiles, sometimes he punches the air, and sometimes he even laughs. I started thinking about how peaceful he is and how much trust he puts in us to take care of him. Regardless of the kind of parents Leon and I will be, Micah has no choice but to trust that we will take good care of him and will act in his best interest.

I think that same trust my baby boy puts in me can teach me so much about how I need to trust my Heavenly Father. The only difference is that I am fooled by the illusion that I have control over my own life, but I will inevitably mess things up for myself. I think if I spent more time just trusting God to take care of me and lead me, and less time fighting against Him, I may just sleep as peacefully as my sweet baby boy! And the good thing is that God won't ever mess things up for us.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Beauty from Ashes"

I am borrowing the title of this post from a section of Beth Moore's updated Breaking Free study. Thanks to my mom's relentless pursuit to get Leon and me to watch a video from this study, we have heard a lot lately of how God is so faithful to bring beauty out of the ashes in our lives. And as good as this message is, I do not think it would have spoken to us as much if we had not experienced this exact thing in our own lives.

When Leon and I met, we were just climbing out of the ashes in our lives which were brought on by divorce, pain from church experiences, broken engagements, and betrayal on all different levels. As we had been working through that pain, and rediscovering who God is in it all, we met each other, and helped each other see a different side of God, life, and reality. We fell in love very quickly, got married, and now have this incredible new baby boy to show for it. And what's more, is that we are more complete people as a result of having come through the ashes in our lives. 

So not only did God alone bring us through the pain that people in our lives had brought upon us, but in such a short time, He brought us to the incredible marriage that we both only dreamed about, and now he brought us this precious gift of a perfect baby boy. And in our lives, we can certainly say that God has brought beauty out of ashes in Leon's life and in my life, and has made up for the time we had lost to a greater degree than we could have ever anticipated, just like He said He would!

Below is a verse that got me through so much heartache about 2 years ago. In my life, it was a promise from God that He would make up for everything that had been taken from me. My prayer is that everyone will know and believe that whatever you have gone through or are going through, God is faithful to make up for it, and bless you beyond your wildest dreams if you just trust Him to do so. I am not just speaking truth from a book, but I know this to be true in my own life. So just trust, and look forward to the day when God will fully restore everything and will make up for all that was ever taken from you!

"I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten." 
Joel 2:25

Pregnancy, not so much....mommyhood, HELL YEA!!

I have always heard about how everyone loves being pregnant. The feel of the baby kicking inside of you; the miracle of life right in your abdomen; the beauty of the growing baby showing itself in your ever-changing body.....I unfortunately had a different experience with pregnancy: nausea, swollen ankles, an ever-alert sense of smell, a constantly-increasing waddle, horrible back pain, and every day moving further and further from my original body shape that I had come to know and love!

Ok I know that sounds a little pessimistic of a viewpoint, but honestly, I was not good at pregnancy, nor did I enjoy it! BUT on the flip side, all I have heard of motherhood is: sleeplessness; screaming babies; marriages failing because of the added stress.....and the great news is that just as pregnancy gave me the opposite reaction than I was expecting, so has motherhood! 

Motherhood for me has been one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced in my whole life! Not that I am a pro at it by any stretch (I mean, it has only been 2 weeks!), but it is not only incredible to now hold this precious, perfectly healthy, beautiful baby boy (who a mere 2 weeks ago was kicking the crap out of my ribs), but to see my incredible husband step into a dad role so naturally has been one of the biggest blessings of all.

Because I hated pregnancy so much, it was hard for me to blog about it without seeming like a huge downer....but this blog will attempt to capture not only my life, and family, but it will also share my thoughts, however crazy they may be, on stumbling my way through (hopefully) becoming a Godly wife and mommy in the new dynamic of our family of 3! I am going to share my real thoughts, good and bad...and will not just be stating the politically and religiously correct ones, so I hope you stay tuned and enter into the dialogue with me and share your real thoughts. The more real we can be with each other, the better off we are all is a larger community! 

Hope you stay tuned....