Postpartem blues...what the heck?!

Ok I understand that we are going to get fat during pregnancy. We are going to have swollen ankles because our bodies are retaining water like crazy when we have a huge child in our abdomen. And I don't like it, but I understand that childbirth is going to hurt like hell....just look at the sheer physics of an 8lb watermelon coming out of a pinhole. But what the heck is the purpose of us feeling so sad afterwards?! 

I mean, we make it through pregnancy gracefully (or ungracefully in my case), and we have this amazing new child to show for it, and how do we get to enjoy it? By crying our eyes out! Doesn't seem fair does it? 


The day I got home from the hospital I cried when I saw that Micah liked his wipe warmer and didn't cry when we changed his diaper anymore. Then I cried when I saw that my parents left us some coffee in the pantry from their stay at our house while we were in the hospital. Then I proceeded to cry on the bed for the next 2 days for no reason at all. I just got sad, and I cried and cried and cried. Leon didn't know what to do, and the saddest thing of all was that he thought he had done something, but the truth was that I was just crying for no reason. 

I know that some people have this to a greater degree than others. Some have thoughts of hurting their babies, some don't. I haven't had any of those thoughts, but I do know of several people who did, and had to get over it with some serious help. I guess I just felt like a freak for having these unexplainable feelings of sadness that I couldn't get rid of, until I heard from some of my other mommy friends on Facebook. Just knowing that a ton of other people had these same feelings to different degrees made me feel better...and that also made me realize how important it is for us to be honest about our true feelings because it just may help someone else. 

So to everyone who was honest with me, I just want to thank you for helping me through it. And encourage everyone to keep being real with each other about our struggles and triumphs, because I am sure motherhood will have its share of both!

Pregnancy, not so much....mommyhood, HELL YEA!!

I have always heard about how everyone loves being pregnant. The feel of the baby kicking inside of you; the miracle of life right in your abdomen; the beauty of the growing baby showing itself in your ever-changing body.....I unfortunately had a different experience with pregnancy: nausea, swollen ankles, an ever-alert sense of smell, a constantly-increasing waddle, horrible back pain, and every day moving further and further from my original body shape that I had come to know and love!

Ok I know that sounds a little pessimistic of a viewpoint, but honestly, I was not good at pregnancy, nor did I enjoy it! BUT on the flip side, all I have heard of motherhood is: sleeplessness; screaming babies; marriages failing because of the added stress.....and the great news is that just as pregnancy gave me the opposite reaction than I was expecting, so has motherhood! 

Motherhood for me has been one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced in my whole life! Not that I am a pro at it by any stretch (I mean, it has only been 2 weeks!), but it is not only incredible to now hold this precious, perfectly healthy, beautiful baby boy (who a mere 2 weeks ago was kicking the crap out of my ribs), but to see my incredible husband step into a dad role so naturally has been one of the biggest blessings of all.

Because I hated pregnancy so much, it was hard for me to blog about it without seeming like a huge downer....but this blog will attempt to capture not only my life, and family, but it will also share my thoughts, however crazy they may be, on stumbling my way through (hopefully) becoming a Godly wife and mommy in the new dynamic of our family of 3! I am going to share my real thoughts, good and bad...and will not just be stating the politically and religiously correct ones, so I hope you stay tuned and enter into the dialogue with me and share your real thoughts. The more real we can be with each other, the better off we are all is a larger community! 

Hope you stay tuned....