A lesson from church, of all places!

I think it all hit me today.

Yes, we have been preparing for November for a couple months now. And yes, I have been aware that Leon has wanted to do this for the past 4 years. And yes, we have been getting an outpouring of support from our friends, family, and even people we don’t know. But am I ready? Not so much!

In church this morning, I did my last worship set with Leon next to me. In the month of November, I go it alone. And though I have led worship for years, and am doing all songs I know like the back of my hand, I realized that not having him beside me is going to be one of the hardest things I will have to do while he’s gone. I realized that as I sang Revelation Song in front of our entire second service, and almost lost it. 

I did, somehow, maintain my composure during worship, but then our pastor started speaking about prayer. About the kind of prayer that really means something. And the kind of people who pray and it’s like they are actually speaking directly to God. He said that it can feel at times like some people have a “pipeline to God,” and they have God’s direct cell phone number, while some of us feel like we have to go through a phone tree and wait on hold for an eternity. As I listened to his message, I couldn’t help but think of my husband. He is one of those people who have a direct pipeline so-to-speak. He prays, and God truly speaks to him. 

I don’t know how he does it, and I don’t know how to get what he has (well, I guess praying more would be a start!). But to watch the true faith that Leon has, and the way he lives that faith out, is one of the most inspiring things I have ever encountered. God gives Leon premonitions. God helps Leon discern people’s character with a supernatural accuracy. God speaks, directs, changes decisions, and gives him an ability to see things clearly, where other people just see fog. And when Leon prays, things happen. When he speaks to God, clarity results, and lives are changed. 

So as I listened to the message, and I heard basically a profile of my husband’s faith, I lost it. I teared up and had to get a hold of myself, because the reality is, I don’t have that faith. I wish I did. I try to have faith. But I have no doubt that Leon hears from God. And on something like what he is about to do, I may not see it clearly, and I may not understand it, and I may never do something like this myself, but I know Leon hears the voice of God, and I know God will do something incredible. I am just going to have to trust. And pray. 

In the Bible, God tells Jacob to go back to his homeland and He will bless him. And then Jacob wrestles with God and God gives him a blessing. Leon has said that this homeless journey is just that for him. God has taken a child, who grew up in a chaotic and toxic household growing up, a household where there was no mention of God’s role in their lives, and gave this child an ability to pray. Real prayers. Prayers for his safety and survival. Prayers for his brothers and sister’s survival. Prayers for his mother’s safety. And God blessed that child years later with a family, a job, and a home in the comfortable suburbs. And now, that child is getting comfortable. Complacent. Ready to experience some true faith again. And that is exactly what Leon is doing. He is returning to his homeland. He is returning to the uncertainty that first brought him to God, and he is ready to see, yet again, what he’s made of. 

Do I think this is stupid? Absolutely! Do I fear for Leon’s safety? Most definitely! Do I trust God will do something incredible in Leon, and in me? Without question!