Change in perspective

It's amazing how much a baby changes things! Before Micah came into our lives, Leon and I were looking at change as a bad thing. We loved our life, we loved each other, and we didn't want a baby ruining any of that. 


But now that the little man has come, and we have learned that loving him while still loving each other is easier than we thought, we have come to embrace a little bit of change, both in our relationship and in our personal lives. One of the biggest changes that Micah has brought to my life is my perspective on God.

Leon and I have been through a lot of ups and downs during our first year of marriage, and a lot of the downs had to do with negative experiences in church, and with pastors in our lives. I will spare everyone the details of these negative experiences, but suffice it to say that our experiences left us a little sour on church and church leaders. Ok, "a little sour" is an understatement....we were hurt, and we were pissed, even to the point where we didn't want anything to do with church people. (Sorry, but I made a commitment to be honest, no matter how terrible my thoughts were).

Getting over those feelings toward church has proven to be a trick for us. We just want to see more people who are authentically living life for Jesus, instead of people who just talk a good talk from principles they learned in Seminary, and they are not living a life like Christ modeled for us at all. 

I had thought until now that I was just frustrated with the church. But as I dig deeper into those feelings, I am starting to realize that I wasn't just upset with the church, but with God too. I felt like we had been abandoned by Him, that He was missing, and that He shouldn't have allowed certain things to happen to us when we were trying to serve Him with our whole hearts. 

I let those feelings go on a lot longer than I should have, and it is just now, when I look at my baby boy, and I cannot help but see the beauty and glory of God's everyday miracles in His sweet little face, and small little fingers and toes, that I am starting to see God for who He truly is again. When Micah's eyes start focusing on us more and more each day. When he smiles, even though he doesn't know what he is doing yet. When he stops crying when he hears my voice or Leon's voice....All these sweet little precious moments in time that I will treasure forever would never have been possible if God hadn't randomly decided to bless us with this incredible baby boy. He was formed out of 2 cells, and grew to this amazing, perfectly healthy boy that we now get to hold and cuddle. God was not absent in our lives, instead, He was preparing the way for us to be able to love and provide for this amazing baby boy who deserves the whole world, and He was making us into the kinds of parents He knew we needed to be for Micah.


I would like to say I am completely over my recent lapse in judgment when it comes to God, but I am not out of the woodwork just yet. But with every passing day, and every little glance from my almost 1 month old, my heart melts more and more, and God shows Himself to me over and over again in the eyes of His precious creation Micah. And I am starting to fall in love with my Father again because of my baby boy! What an awesome God we have who will not give up on us but who will bless us and bless us and relentlessly pursue us until we simply cannot resist His ultimate love!